The Gazza

Me mate Grant rang and hesitantly asked if he could stay at our place for the night. Now Grant isn’t real good on the using modern equipment like telephones so receiving a phone call from him is a real treat. Grant, a retired mechanic from Wellington, had his own business and retired to a country town four hours south of my home in Taupo.
“I’m going to see Cousin Charlie, who’s not to flash. He’s just out of Tauranga.”
“All good Grant. Be delighted to see you.”
In my books, that would put our place about halfway between his cousin Charlie and his place. Grant duly arrived at about 4 pm. Box of beer in hand and a home-kill lamb roast. 
We had a great old chat. I asked what part of Tauranga cousin Charlie was in?
“Oh, I’ll go and have a look at my text,” said Grant. “Not far a bit off Tauranga. Starts with P.”
Ok so I am thinking it could be Papamoa. I followed him to his vehicle, and he showed me the name on his phone. I could tell it started with P, but as I wasn’t wearing my glasses, I couldn’t quite make it out, but it did not look like Papamoa. “ Ummm, it’s parwinie or something,” explained Grant. 
Grant….it’s Pauanui! And because Highway 25A is closed because of storm damage, you have a 3.5-hour drive. It’s not just out of Tauranga, it’s fucking miles away. “
“But Charlie said…”
Grant, trust me, good thing you stopped here for the night” He had already done a 6.5-hour drive. Now, Grant, you must not go to Highway 25A. you go to HW25 via Waihi. Are we clear on that? “
“Yer…ok…show me on your phone.”
“Grant, what does your GPS say?”
“Oh, I need to get it serviced to update it.”
“OK, how long ago was it updated?”
“Ummm about…four years.”
“So, your truck hasn’t been serviced for four years?”
“Well…. no… I do it myself.”
“Grant, you need to plug in your GPS into a computer to update it when it’s serviced.”
“Yea, I know…but Gazza I don’t know how to do it.”
I scratch my head. “Ok, Grant, have you got Auto Android on your phone?”
“Auto what..?”
I can see I’m up against it here. “Ok, let’s sit down over a beer or two and take some notes.” Grant becomes enthusiastic. “Yes, I’d love another beer.”
“Right now, Grant, let’s look at Coromandel on your phone and where you are going. You can no longer head up to the Thames and head across to SH 25A to Pauanui. Are you clear on this?”
“Ummm yer…” Pop the sound of a beer opening as he opens another one and takes a gulp.
”Ok, so you will turn off to head toward Waihi…are we absolutely clear?”
“Yeah Yeah, I should be right. I’ll just put it into the GPS” Grant, don’t put Pauanui in your GPS as it’s out of date. Turn your phone on and listen to the directions on that, ok?” Ya ok…I might have another beer.”
Now you may have observed I could have gone about this in a better way. I also let Grant know that Skipper and Mrs Skipper were heading to their batch about the same time, and he could catch up with them. I wrote their address for him. Grant had booked into a campsite in Pauanui where Charlie was apparently staying.
Following morning after a hearty breakfast Grant was on his way. I set about working outside for most of the day. I came in mid-arvo. I note I missed a call from Grant, I also note I missed a call from Skipper. I rang Skipper.
“You put Grant crook; he ended up at HW 25A.”
Me pulling my hair …. Wait…I don’t have hair! ”Skipper, I did my best to get him to Waihi.”
“Well!” said Skipper “By coincidence, we are on our way to the batch. I told him to drive back to Paeroa and follow us from there.” 
Grant’s 3.5-hour trip had now become five hours. Grant followed Skipper to his place. He then made his way to the camp place where he had a cabin booked…and got lost. It was about two minutes from Skipper and Mrs Skipper. Skipper said he would be more than welcome to stay at their place. They waited for him to turn up, and he never did. They then, after arranging with him to come around the following morning…and waited, he never turned up.
Now here’s the kicker: Grant arrived back at our place to stay the night at about 3 pm.
“Giddaye old son, how is Charlie? Did you catch up with Skipper?” 
“Well, are no… Charlie wasn’t at the camp.”
“Ok, so where was he?”
“Oh, he was at a hospice in Whangamata.”
Whangamata is a small sea-side village on the Highway 25 between Pauanui where Grant had been and Waihi where he needs to pass through on the way home.
“Ok, so you went through there on your way back. So, did you see him?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“He didn’t want to see me.”
“Oh…but you did arrange this before doing the trip? “
“No… just did it on the spur-of-the-moment course. I knew he was crook.”
“Ok understand…so you caught up with Skipper and Mrs Skipper?”
“No.”
“Ok …. because?”
” I got lost.”
“Hmmm Pauanui, not that big, and you were two minutes away from them.” 
“I know Gaza, but it’s not a totally wasted trip as I meet up with you and Penny, and you have really made me very welcome.”
“Always good to see yah Grant. We will make our way down to see you soon. “
“Yeah, that would be great Gaza…might have another beer?”